Great Quote

This quote is in the booklet for RENT:

"We each live in a number of overlapping communities: a community of family, a community of friends, still another of neighbors...the people in our school, our city or town, our country, and - ultimately - the community of mankind."

How true it is!!!

RENT

OMG, I went and saw RENT on opening night and again tonight
The movie is fabulous!!!
Unreal that they could do the broadway show justice
Best Show brought to the Movie Screen.

I want more!!!!!!!
Broadway takes me away from the story of life for 3+ hrs

Turkey Day

So here we are
The first sign of the end of the year
I'm in charge of the turkey this year
So here I am at 3:55am cooking
I work nights so I'm not about to get up at 8 to do it in the morning
A long time ago, like '96 I watched Rosie O'Donnell show and Mathew McConihay (or however he spells his name) talked about how he cooks turkeys
I thought it sounded fun so I tried it...
You still a beer can up the turkey's butt - so to speak
Filled half with beer and half with your seasons and butter
And you cook the bird standing up
Well, it was a hit back in '96 so I'm doing it again!!!
It should be done cooking by 6am :-)
Good thing I don't go to bed till then usually
The best part is I probably won't be eating any turkey
My family's tradition is to have lasania as well
That's what I'll be sinking my teeth into
For everyone out there Happy Turkey Day
And please if you participate in the biggest shopping day of the year
The day after Thanksgiving
Be careful driving and take a deep breath everytime a driver does something unheard of!!!

Must Stay Awake

I have to re-train myself to stay up late!!!
Thought it'd be easy
Thought I'd love it
But I'm BORED!!!
No one stays up this late anymore or they're working!!!
Must occupy myself - eeekkk
That's a scary thought
I don't play many games on the computer and I can only check my email so many times
I'm gonna have to rent a ton of movies to keep me busy!
Oy, I love working nights but I can see these first couple of nights are gonna kill me
Well, that's all it for now

Midnights

I am finally on midnights
I can finally stay up all night
Sleep all day!!!
Weird - I never thought I'd be excited to work midnights
But I'm sooo excited to start them
I've always been a night hawk but
Never got to really enjoy it
since my job always started in the morning which meant going to bed early
That's fine except on my days off i'd be up all night and then switching back again for work was taking a toll on my body
I'm free now!!! I can stay up and sleep in and not worry about messing up my sleep patterns for work.
"I'm Lovin' It"
Damn, do i sound like a McD's commercial!!!
Enjoy life, be happy
Work to Live NOT Live to work!!!

Jarhead

I went to see Jarhead tonight because I too am a jarhead - OOH-RAH!!!
However, after seeing the movie I am now asking everyone I know to pass the word...
DO NOT GO SEE JARHEAD!!!!!
IT WAS A DISGRACE AND AN EMBARRASSMENT TO ALL MARINES!
I am embarrassed of that movie and wish nothing more than it to flop,
our men and women serving or have served do not deserve this!

Old Fashion Wedding

Second sister to get married
Means I have to participate again.
My brother's wedding I got to be in the audience
Now for the second time I have to be a bride's maid...
Which means...
A DRESS
I hate dresses!!!
The first sister's colors were Green and Yellow
Not too bad
This sister is going to be the death of me
Not only do I have to be in a dress but it's PINK
I will not be driving to this wedding - the only way I'll get through this night is with premium drinks.
I have until June to let it sink in - wish me luck...this one is definitely going to be hard to swallow.
And of course her idea of a wedding is big in every way - she's what I would call the Barbie in the family.
Oy, if it weren't for her being my sister I would never go through that.

God Save The People

Death Tolls are devistating
The number keeps rising
People don't want to leave
Knowing that'll be the last time they see anything they own
They need help
Everyone unite
Evacuation - Mandatory
Freedoms lost? Lives Saved?
How do you see it?
We need to stick together, work as one
Understand that police are there to help
Evacuating is sad, leaving the life you knew even sadder
But is Leaving it behind and living better?
Choices made, choices to make -
God Save the People

If It's Wet

Wow...time has flown, I graduate from the academy next Friday
The funny thing is with everything I've learned
LAW
One thing sticks out in my head the most..."If it's wet, and not yours - DON'T TOUCH IT"
When it was told to us we all laughed, but now I think about it and it's so true
It's great advice,
At this day and age we all have to be so careful as to what we touch
so I am passing it on to anyone interested
And remember:
"I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it." Maya Angelou

I Miss Daddy - 9/11 Movie

My sister sent me this, now I'm passing it on to everyone who would like to watch it. It's a cartoon, and it's powerful - sad and wonderful.

http://fpflashfarm.com/3629_191882_missdaddy.swf

The Difference Between Rich/Poor People

The Difference Between Rich/Poor People
One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Artist Unknown

Market Days

So I don't have much free time due to the academy but I had to sneak out two weeks ago to Chicago's Market Days for 3 reasons
1. It's a Gay Pride affiliated fest
2. My friends band played - The Kimi Hayes Band
3. Judy Tinuda did a comedy set after my friends played
That was just what the doctor ordered. I have been taking this break-up with my now ex pretty hard and Judy was HILARIOUS!!! Didn't drink, didn't have to :-) I always have a hard time hanging with my friends who try so hard to make me forget and have a good time that they used Judy Tinuda as bait for me to go out.
Well, it worked and I'm so glad I did go out - seeing my friends and getting to laugh for an hour was great.
Besides all of that, there were soooooo many people out and the crowd was friendly!

Other than that I am in my 6th week of the academy only 4 more to go :-) I can't wait!!!
I'm learning so much law I'm amazed at how much information I'm retaining. It reiterates that this is my calling and I can't wait to get out on the streets finish my probational period to go back to class to become a juvenile officer so that I can work at what matters most to me - our children.

Police Academy

Wow, is all I can say. 3 weeks done and 7 to go and I am exhausted!!!
The police academy is nothing what I thought it would be.
I know more about law than I ever thought I would,
I have been literally tossed around, stunned, handcuffed, and used as a punching bag.
I have never been so sore.
I'm learning alot and I tip my hat to all officers now
This is so different from the Marine Corps, easier because it's not as stressful and not so strict
But the information I have to learn is above and beyond any college class I've ever taken.
I'm 30% done, cannot wait till it's over and I can actually put everything into action :-)

As for my private life, my roommate won.
My girlfriend had enough and broke up with me because she couldn't handle my roommate
I am beside myself, can't figure out if I should be crying or beating my heavy bag.
It's not fair, I finally find someone that I'm compatible with and with nothing I have done it's gone.
I knew life was too good to be true - something had to go wrong and low and behold it did.

I won't be trusting for awhile, so maybe it's a good thing that my life is consumed with studying.

To Realize

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newlyDivorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a motherwho has given birth to A premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a personWho has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a personWho has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more whenyou can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member:

LOSE ONE. Author Unknown

Last Call

So today was my last day at my current employment -one of the happiest moments I've had in a long time!
Monday I start my new career, a career I've worked to get for over a year
In just over 10 weeks I will have the title of Officer - I will be a police officer for Hodgkins, IL
I'm alittle nervous - not of the classes I have to take, not of the physical training I have to take
But of the CHANGE
Why is change so difficult, so scary?
I'm extatic - even after having to dish out over $1000 for the pistol and gear...I keep saying it's an investment (an expensive one at that)
But why am I so scared?

Also, my friendship of 5+ years with my Marine Corps buddy/roommate is falling apart because she doesn't want me dating this girl I've been dating for alittle over a month
She says that I'm being a crappy friend because I'm choosing this girl over her,
I say she's being a crappy friend because she's trying to make me choose - when the girl hasn't ever done anything to her-in fact, they get along

This is the easiest relationship I've ever been in, I don't have to work at it...everything just happens
We get along sooooooo well, sometimes so well it scares me, that it couldn't possibly be real (i've never had that)
My roommate has even tried sabotashing it - something this good and is real
I haven't had happiness in so long, I struggled paycheck to paycheck
My father (father of 9 kids) is screwing my Mom and not paying his child support-i have become my Mom's support group
My sisters and brothers are always in constant need of some sort of help - me again
And I have never felt love - I'm finally feeling that, got the job of my dreams and everything should be going smoothly but alas I hit a brick wall
Will anything ever come as it should - EASY?
Life's a game, and even when everything seems to be falling into place there's a "Lose a Turn"
Deep breath,
Walk forward
Head held high
And roll again

Red Skelton and the Pledge of Allegiance

Red Skelton spoke these words on his show...they're powerful and this Country is in desperate need to hear these words, young and old alike - Happy 4th of July, the day we recognize our FREEDOM as AMERICANS - GOD BLESS THE USA

"I
me, an individual, a committee of one.
Pledge
dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self pity.
Allegiance
my love and my devotion.
To the flag
our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom. Wherever
she waves, there's respect because your loyalty has given
her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybody's job!
United
that means that we have all come together.
States
individual communities that have united into 48 great states.
Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and
purpose; all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to
a common purpose, and that's love for country.
And to the republic
a state in which sovereign power is
invested in representatives chosen by the
people to govern. And government is the people
and it's from the people to the leaders, not from
the leaders to the people.
For which it stands, one nation
one nation, meaning "so blessed by God"
Indivisible
incapable of being divided.
With liberty
which is freedom -- the right of power to live one's
own life without threats, fear or some sort of
retaliation.
And Justice
the principle or quality of dealing fairly with others.
For all
which means, boys and girls, it's as much your
country as it is mine.
***~~**~~***
Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country
and two words have been added to the pledge of Allegiance...
UNDER GOD
Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said
that is a prayer
and that would be eliminated from schools too?"

No Fear

Today I'm simply writing the words to the song "No Fear" by Terri Clark
They're simple but powerful...I hope you like it

I want a road stretching out before me, I want a radio in my ear, I want a full tank of absolution, No Fear. I want a rainstorm to pull me over, then a sky that begins to clear, towards the truest of destinations No Fear.

Chorus:I used to hit every wall there was, I used to run away from love, all I ever wanted was right here, but I had to reach way down inside, I had to have faith I'd find, No Fear.

I want the world to just keep turning, I want the dawn in my rear view mirror, I want to hear my own voice singing, No Fear. And when I need two arms around me, and no one's near, when I'm alone let the only sound be No Fear.

Chorus

I want peace, love and understanding, a stogie and an ice cold beer, don't want to live afraid of dying. I use to hit every wall there was, I used to run away from love, all I ever wanted was right here, but I had to reach way down inside, I used to stay up all night long, wondering what I was doing wrong, all I ever needed was right here, but I had to reach way down inside, I had to have faith I'd find, No FEAR

Ear to Ear

I've been smiling ear to ear all throughout June
My roommate and I are friends again - she appologized
My relationship with the girl is going great, in fact, gets better every day
I am officially hired by Hodgkins Police Department, I start the academy July 11th
Yesterday was the Chicago Gay Pride Parade -soooooo much fun
My face did receive alittle too much sun but red color is better than no color in my eyes
Anyway, I don't know what else to say..hehe, I just had to spread the joy - hopefully everyone else is doing just as well
Peace

Crashin Fast

Why must someone always rain on my parade???
Last week has been an adrenalin rush
First I got a phone call - after waiting a year I finally made it!
I leave for the Police Academy on July 11th
Then the girl my sister introduced me to was PERFECT
We hit it off right away and is looking very promising
Not to forget my wonderful day in Nashville, being allowed to take a picture with Terri Clark in her pajamas...
Nothing seemed to go wrong for me but alas something had to go wrong - here's my tale

My roommate quit her very well paying job because she wasn't happy and started the application process for a job a the vet hospital that my sister works at (the same sister that hooked me up) meanwhile I finally meet the girl and as you read above it's going great
Well, my roommate is FURIOUS at me now...she states that it's weird working there with someone I'm dating because if something should happen and it doesn't work out then working with her would be impossible
My problem with that is, she should be more worried about the fact she's working with my sister - I have arguments with my sis all the time...wouldn't that be weird?
My roommate also thinks that our friendship has changed due to this because we no longer can talk about whats going on in each other's life because it's "weird"
She says she doesn't want to tell me about work because if she's unhappy she can't say who she likes/dislikes there because I know them all, she says she can't and won't hear anything about my relationship with the girl because she works with her and that would be weird
Tonight she screamed at me because I had the girl come over - I don't know how any of this could be weird nor will I stop seeing someone for something that petty like that
She screamed at me because she said that I'm being inconsiderate and dumb - also because after the movie ended I asked the girl if she wanted to get coffee and my roommate said that that made her feel akward because supposively we only went because my roommate was there - well DUH!!!!! I'm sorry but correct me if I'm wrong but if you're at the beginning of a relationship don't you usually want "alone time"? As in, no roommate around? So, I'm not gonna ask my roommate to leave or sit in her bedroom - THAT WOULD BE RUDE so I left...I don't get it, I'm not doing anything out of the ordinary yet my roommate is now telling me that our friendship is basically over
Am I missing something or is my roommate acting very childish and impossible? I don't want to lose her as a friend but I haven't dated in a long time and like I said earlier it was too PERFECT from the start to not move forward with it
Any suggestions as to save a friendship without losing a girlfriend? Any ideas as to explain to the roommate that what she's feeling is ridiculous and put her at ease...anything would be helpful at this point - I will not allow someone to splash black onto my YELLOW!!!
Peace

Allergies

Number 1 way I know I'm aging...ALLERGIES
I've never dealt with allergies until the last few years
I hate them - I can't sleep, I can't breathe, I can't enjoy summer
Benadryl has become my best friend and I'm miserable

All I need is a good RAIN storm, and the weather keeps playing games with me
It'll rain for 2 seconds and stop...I'm getting to my breaking point and I'll soon be dressing up with make-up and doing a rain dance outside!!!

Here's a collage of some pics from Nashville, if you can't see them let me know...I have a flickr account that I will be uploading them to! 

Nashville

OK, so I tried audioblogging while I was at the CMT 100 Greatest Duets Show taping and it wouldn't go through...so :-( no audio
I LOVED the Terri Clark Fanclub...it was in fact a pajama party and Terri showed up in her pajamas too!!!!
I was on cloud 9 all night!!! When I went up to meet her I remembered all I wanted to say - well, kinda, I started to walk away and everything came to me and I was like "OH, WAIT...I have to tell you something" She was soooooo nice, she had no problem with me coming back to say what I had to say.
I told her that I loved her song "The One You Love" and explained how it touched me and how it was exactly how I felt when my cousin died only a couple of months prior. She said thank you and told me that she wrote the song in honor of a friend of hers that had died - I felt connected with her!!!
Then everything kinda went wrong - my little sister I brought with me got TRASHED and became very mean and loud...I was sooooooo embarrassed and felt like I had to turn into her mother, she started getting quite close to alot of men - not to get "some" just to get free drinks, however, her being drunk they had other intentions - I thought I was gonna have to get into a fight or 2.
Thank God nothing really happened except for me being very very very embarrassed and wanted to find a hole to climb in and never come out - BUT I got some GREAT pictures and I can try to block that little bit out.
But all in all I had a great time, I met Terri Clark for the second time, I met Shooter Jennings, I got to see Mongomery Gentry, Dolly Parton, Kenny Rogers, Miranda Lambert, Rebecca Lynn Howard, Kerry Underwood, LeAnn Womack, Travis Tritt, Trace Adkins, Blake Shelton, and a couple more I can't think of...it was a great time and even though I was gone and back again in 32hrs I would do it all again, it was soooooooo very worth every penny and every minute spent. Wish I could've sent an audio but it wouldn't work so I hope I painted a good enough picture for everyone -

First Summer Tan

Well, yesterday I worked and and disappeared at around 2:30 so that I could go to the Bandits game that was cancelled the day before...
I got my first tan of the year :-)
Well, at least I got color, however it is only on my right side...whoops, I should've switched positions, I was only out there for 2hrs and it wasn't at the "sun's" peak hour so I didn't really think I'd get any sun
I DID!!!
I got to the game right as the second game started - they had to play a double header since the previous game was rained out
We won both games
The first game we were behind 1-0 in the bottom of the 7th with 2 outs and a player on base...Selena Collins, the catcher came up to bat and hit it out of the park winning game number 1
The second game was much more relaxing...not a nail biter
We were up 6-2 by the 3rd inning!!! Jennie Finch pitched and hit a homerun
Anne Steffan our base stealing queen did exactly that throughout the entire game!!!
After the game the girls were very generous and signed autographs for everyone-including me
I'm a dork, but hey this is the first season of Pro Softball...this is history in the making and I am witnessing it!!! It's great and I'm only missing 3 names on my softball that everyone signed
I'll be getting the missing names at future games!!!
If you come to Chicago or your city has a team - it's a must see!!!

Chicago Bandits

So tonight I went to see the Chicago Bandits play - they're the Pro Softball Team, they were playing Australia...
As I walked into the park I was pulled aside and asked to participate in a game between the top and bottom of the second inning - I'm Dumb and said sure
I had to race my friend from second to third base carrying a tray with 3 drinks on it-without dropping it
Ok, that's a task in itself but I'm wearing flip-flops on top of it, making it that much harder
I'm such a cheater...as we were racing I was losing so I elbowed my friend lol making her drop her tray - I got 4 tickets to games of my choice for winning...so of course I'll be bringing that friend with (since i did cheat)
What can I say too many people were watching for me to lose :-)
Anyway, after that we got to watch all of one more half inning and there was a Lightning delay...
They made everyone get off the bleachers and go to behind the left and right fields then they changed their minds and made us stand in the grass about 15ft behind the diamond, and not 2minutes later they changed their minds again and made us leave the park and wait in our cars
Everyone was laughing at the lack of communication/knowledge as to what to do...nothing organized and kaotic
After sitting in the parking lot for about 20min a police officer drove through the lot announcing that the game has been cancelled and rescheduled for tomorrow :-)
So, maybe the weather will be better tomorrow and I'll finally get to see the game

Back in the Day

I remember back in the day when I was 8yrs old
My twin, Kat, our best friend Erin, and I during the summers use to roam the neighborhoods...well, one particular spot.
We use to play hide and seek in the Church and when we got bored of that we'd go down to the "White Room" (that's where they use to have the coffee after mass on Sundays) and hang out with the cleaning people - we'd ask them all kinds of questions
Anyway, one day while we were chasing each other through the pues (is that how you spell it?) One janitor that we always steered clear from caught us and made us go with him to the Rectory (where the priests live)...we were in the hallway next to the Rectory's office when he told us to wait there...all of us knew we were in BIG trouble if the pastor -Father Don came down and saw us so Erin didn't skip a beat and said we gotta get outta there. Both Kat and I were afraid to get caught but more afraid of what would happen if we left when we were told to wait. But Erin was determined not to get caught and she said we should just say that we heard our Mom's calling us...
Yeah, like we can hear our Mom's call from 2 blocks down and we're indoors
But hey, we were kids so we ran with the idea...we each took turns screaming on the top of our lungs as we ran out the door "Coming Mom!!!"

When we got home Kat and I told the story to our Mom because we figured that they would call and tell on us anyway and my Mom laughed - I was shocked...we didn't get into trouble for playing in the Church

Because we didn't get into trouble we didn't fear the janitor anymore and continued to play there day in and day out...the funny thing was - once school started we all got lectured by Father Don about rules :-)
Being kids rocks!!! Today I wouldn't be caught dead inside a church doing anything except doing the "mass thing" And sadly I only go once a year (Christmas) and I refuse to go to my old church...it's changed, it's more like a theater/money maker than a place to worship.
Oh well, to be young again :-)

Excuses/Adventures

"I cannot go to school today, said little Peggy Ann McKay, I have the measles, the mumps, a gash, a rash, and purple bumps" Shel Silverstein

I felt like using that line today as I called my job with a little white lie to get out of work today :-)
The concert wasn't at all what I expected...Trisha was beautiful and a voice to match it but something was missing - oh could that be a PERSONALITY?
She came out, sang her songs and didn't move AT ALL...
I was alittle disappointed, but it was still fun-hanging out with friends was a good enough excuse for me to miss work :-)

I got back around 10 and had to go straight to my Mom's house to setup her new laptop...what a pain, I didn't leave there till 12:30 arriving finally at home at 1, I let all 3 dogs out for like 10min came back called them inside (they're inside a fence) and only 2 came back...the beagle-Nana had escaped. I was speechless only saying OH MY GOD, the dogs are technically my roommate's and she's out in the quad cities visiting her mom till Tuesday. So I go to my car get a flashlight and start looking and calling her name. At 1:22am I find her on the opposite side of a wooden fence seperating my backyard from a buisness...well the only way for me to get to where she was - was by climbing however there were 3 possums guarding that way and hissing at me...PLAN B run around the block to the front of the buisness, where I was still seperated from her by a chain link fence. I finally decided F@ck it and I pulled at the fence and oooppps, ripped the fence out of the ground to give Nana enough space to crawl underneath to me...I pulled off my belt and used it as a leash and walked her home. Now it's 1:30am and I am finally home and blogging.
No more adventures for a couple of days PLEASE!!!

Thoughts in my head

"The time has come,' the Walrus said,'To talk of many things:Of shoes - and ships - and sealing-wax -Of cabbages - and kings -And why the sea is boiling hot -And whether pigs have wings."

Not sure why I have this stuck in my head but it is...makes me laugh just thinking about it
My mind is very strange-I can be watching a baseball game and start daydreaming about being 5yrs old and it being nap time and instead of sleeping I would be making booby traps for my mom with my twin just in case she came up to check on us...weird

I'm always thinking
Always moving...I swear my mind doesn't sleep (unless I've intoxicated myself) which doesn't happen often

It's the 9th inning, Cubs vs Dodgers...1-1, if we get this last out we're going to extra innings-GO CUBS!!!
I'm calling in sick to work tomorrow, well actually I'm faking a broken pipe in the basement :-)
So that I can go to the Trisha Yearwood concert-there's only gonna be 300 or so people there so I can't miss it.
I feel guilty calling in even though I have personal days and sick days to use - oh well, the guilt isn't that bad...I'll put a pic up either tomorrow night or the next, if I think of it I'll audioblog a little of the concert :-)
That's enough of my rambling tonight

Here I am from that Italian party I talked about...what fun it is to DRESS UP! 

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Ok, we've all been asked that
Why at 7 it's so easy to answer but at now 27 I can't answer?
I first wanted to be the first female baseball player
that was crushed when i saw "A League of Their Own"
I further had it crushed when i met a real player...
Then I thought I wanted to be an actor
but i realized i freeze in front of an audience
so that wouldn't work
then I thought for sure i would work backstage
and i did for a little while but i didn't make any money
and i needed funding for school
So i joined the Marine Corps...loved it
thought i'd do that then
but I got hurt so back to the drawing board
I got back home and knew I wanted to be a cop
now i'm not so sure...
I'm only a few steps away from making that reality and i'm second guessing myself
I really miss working backstage for the theater
but i have to go to school to learn more first
OY, why is that i cannot decide or rather i cannot make anything reality?
I like to write, but mainly for me...gifts, journals, stories
Hmmm...maybe i'll quit my job next year when i'm debt free
pack up and go to europe till i figure it out
I need a symbol, a sign...anything!

Wicked comes to Sidetracks

Can this get any better???
I went and saw Wicked by myself in the beginning of May
I went to see Reba, Terri, and Brad (mainly for Terri) May 21st
I'm going to Nashville June 8th and 9th
I'm going to see Trisha Yearwood on Wednesday and NOW I just learned that the cast from Wicked is holding a benefit at Sidetracks!!!
I shall be attending-I don't know what can make this any better...I am sooooo amazed on how everything is soooo much sweeter now than it has been in a long time.
Someone is looking down on me and smiling!

Howl at the Moon

My roommate and I went to a place in the city called "Howl at the Moon" last night
That was soooo much fun - it's a dueling piano's bar
The jist of it is this...you want to make a request you have to tip the pianist
you don't like the request someone else made and you want the song to stop you have to tip the pianist more than the original request was.
Oy, I drank and ate way to much over there...today I'll be hanging around nursing a headache
but for anyone out there looking for something to do in Chicago has got to check this place out
Very fun, interactive, and I must say -creative :-)

Nashville Here I Come

Well, everything's finalized...i'm going to nashville june8th-9th
yeah, short trip-but in that time i get to go to a CMT show free, and
THE TERRI CLARK FANCLUB PARTY!!!!
I am soooooo excited, bought my airfare last night and got my TC tix this morning
I couldn't be more thrilled - I'm taking my little sister with me
well, she's not that little anymore, she's 21 and i'm all of 27 but she'll always be my little sister
we're gonna have a blast!!!!
A very packed 2 days, we're not bringing anything with us...we're going with just the clothes on our backs. I'll be sending an audio blog when i'm there!!!
YIPPEE!!!

A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never known, or done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (any way); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is saidthat love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Phone Tools

My new favorite program is Motorola Phone Tools
I bought a new motorola with my service - verizon
because it had mp3 capabilities
however verizon didn't tell me that they disable that function on their phones
first i wondered why they would do that
but then it dawned on me...that way I am forced into paying for ringtones
however, they don't have the songs i like so i was stuck w/ the generic ones
that came w/ the phone
i was furious...i bought a certain phone for 1 purpose-to make it my own
my own ringtones, my own pictures
i was stuck
or so I thought
a friend of mine who is very computer smart came over and fixed everything
he plugged my phone into the computer and hacked at it...2 1/2hrs later
i could do everything verizon disabled!!!
Yippee, i am free to download any song into my phone that i choose
so NOW i have bette midler, showtunes, and pop music
i have pictures of my nephews, singers, and friends
the options are unlimited and i have my friend to thank
no more paying to send my pics to my computer
no more paying for songs
everything i want is available to me now!!!
my new toy-my phone :-)

Italians

I went to a b-day party where the theme was italian
most people dressed in the colors
I dressed as an italian mob
I glued on a gotee, chest hair, armpit hair and sideburns
I wore big gaudy gold rings, large gold necklaces, slicked my hair back
Had black pants, shining black shoes, a dego-tee, and a shiny royal blue dress shirt on-open and a cap gun tucked into the front of my pants
Everyone there went nuts...i was the hit of the party along with my other friend that accompanied me dressed as well...
the party was great!!! I love dressing up to make people laugh and this definitely will be hard to beat.

Star Struck

Oh my gosh!!!
I've met Wynonna
I've met Gretchen Wilson
I've met Kenny Chesney
and none of them made me nervous or excited
Yes, I'll admit I'm sooooo glad I met Wynonna
love her music and she was so very genuine
Last night I met TERRI CLARK
OMG, I don't think I'll ever forget that
I joined her fanclub for little perks like meeting her
and it was everything I could've hoped for
She was so nice and patient
When I was in line my heart was racing
My stomach had dropped to my feet and I was shaking
I love her music and love that she's REAL
When it was my turn to walk up to her to take a picture and get an autograph I froze
Her fiance motioned like I was shaking and I smiled and agreed
I walked up to her-maybe alittle too close, not sure I'm drawing a blank
but I froze...I stood there and finally Terri broke the ice by saying "Hi" in a questionable manner
I broke free-I confidently (grinning ear to ear) "Hi, I'm Kelly, very nice to meet you" and extended my hand
She took my hand and shook it and said "nice to meet you too"
I asked her to sign my hat then asked for a carbon copy-
It was suppose to be a funny way of asking for more than one autograph
Though, it didn't end up being funny because it didn't make sense to her she did sign my 2 tickets
She didn't have to but she did
Then she put her arm around me (can't remember where, I just remember my arm being around her back) and we took a picture together
I was SHAKING so badly that I almost took a tumble down the stairs trying to leave.
She was so nice, and she had the softest hands I've ever felt
I was in HEAVEN
I've never felt that for any celebrity before - I LIKE IT!!!
Can't wait till next month when I get to try again and maybe this time I'll remember what I wanted to say..."I love your music, thank you for this opportunity to meet you, your song 'The One You Love' hit hard -it came at the perfect time, Thank you" well, maybe I'll rehearse and get it right :-)
I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Nothing Happened

LOL, I can't believe it...all that hype and nothing happened.
I was brought into the office for a "discussion"
Prior to going I was told it was gonna be more than just a write-up
I get there and my new supervisor asked me if I was nervous
It made me think but no, I wasn't nervous...
I get into the meeting/discussion and that's exactly what it was - a discussion
No write-up, no suspention...just a whole lot of talking
I walked into the meeting trying to make it very clear that I didn't care what the outcome would be...I brought coffee and a donut, I was very calm and spoke as if I didn't have a care in the world
I need to learn to do that more often, it was wonderful...expect the worst and accept what could be and when it doesn't you're pleasantly surprised!!!

Boiling Point

I should be at my boiling point, scared, depressed and confused
I'm not
Sunday I called in sick -just because i needed a break
Today I got a call that I have to come into the office on Thursday to talk
I jokingly said yeah yeah to sign a write up
supervisor said, ahhh, i think it's gonna be alittle bit more than that
What am I suppose to think or say to that?
I'm not worried, in fact i'm hoping for the worst
The worst is i get fired...if that happens i'll laugh and then cry when i get home
But really, why should i get all worked up over a job?
As of right now i don't have much of a life as is...it'd be a blessing in disguise
Once I figure out the disguise i'll let u know
i get 6 sick days, why shouldn't i use one every now and again to regain control?
I find it funny how they're waiting till thursday after my shift and before 2 days off to talk to me
Why not talk to me today, tomorrow...why wait till then?
I don't know and i don't care...I've had it with this company anyway - they don't treat everyone the same, they have favorites and they make my life a living hell because this is not a "woman's job"
Well, 2 days I'll know

2 1/2hrs

My friend is having a birthday party for her partner and the theme is "Italian" so 2 of my friends and I are taking it a step further and are dressing as Italian Mobsters...we bought facial hair, chest hair, cap guns, gold chains, gold rings and we searched for 2 1/2hrs to find a Jewel/Osco that had hawaian shirts...Can you believe that all the 24hr Jewels are no longer 24hrs - 2 of them we pulled into the parking lot right as they were locking the doors. OY, finally we found 1 and they only had large and extra large...good thing we're playing men, the shirts will give extra room for hiding our boobs hehe.
The party is next Sunday and our outfits are almost complete!!!
Thank goodness for company cars and not having to pay for gas...2 1/2hrs of driving ate alot of gas!!!

Smooth Sailing

What a difference a day makes!!!
No interuptions, no visitors, no dogs
Johnny was the simpliest baby I've ever babysat
He took his naps and ate exactly according to the schedule
I had soooo much fun today, I played with him between feedings and naps and we had a blast
He is animated full of smiles and giggles - what a joy
Yes, I do want to have a child and will have one later in my life - until then, I will be more prone to volunteer to babysit my nephews and neice for now on...it was amazing, how wonderful it was
to have the chance to spend 2 days with Johnny
Today was great :-)

What an Angel

My first day of babysitting and I want to retire!!!
Johnny was an Angel - couldn't have asked for better
HOWEVER
The everything else didn't go quite as smoothly
My sister forgot to let me know that she was dogsitting
An English/American Bulldog mix...well behaved but barks loud
Also she failed to mention the maintenance people will be coming by to fix the floor under the sink, the master bathroom, and changing out all of the heater filters
Well, it just so happen that the maintenance guy was an ASS...he pounded on the door right as Johnny was falling asleep for his afternoon nap and the pounding alerted the dog to bark which scared poor Johnny which made him cry bloody murder and the ASS didn't even appoligize - in fact he continued being rude
3hrs later Johnny's feeding time...as I'm feeding him he's falling asleep due to not getting his 1st nap and the ASS started spray painting the damn floor!!!
I rush Johnny into his room close the door and put a blanket in front so that the fumes don't get inside
Open the door - it's 40degrees out and I have the door wide open
I walk into the kitchen and not so nicely ask the ASS why the hell would he spray paint inside an apartment where the ventilation sucked and there was an infant!!! Neverminding the fact that he was being extremely LOUD the entire time he was in the apartment. I told him he should've painted it in his shed or wherever he got the wood from and that there was NO REASON for him to be doing it inside!!! It's dangerous and STUPID
After everything said and done - Johnny was off his very TIGHT schedule of naps and feeding and by the time I left I was able to get him back on schedule...hopefully tomorrow will go alittle more smoothly and I'll be able to take a nap with him. :-)

Babysitting

It's been 10yrs since I've changed a diaper and for the next 2 days I will be playing the nanny for my 8mth old nephew....OY, I haven't forgotten how, I am just no longer immune from the smell and looks of it :-)
I'm kinda excited because I don't get to spend as much time with him as I'd like but I'm kinda not looking forward to it because I'm afraid I'm gonna get bored...2 8hr days just me and the baby...hmmm, well one thing is for sure - it'll give me a good idea if I'm ready to settle down yet
Nah, I can answer that now - NOPE, don't get me wrong I love children and do want to have a few just not now
Soooo for the next couple of days my blogs are gonna be about my adventures in babysitting!!!
I have forgotten how many times babies take naps during the day, how many times they feed during the day, and how many times I'm gonna have to change that diaper -eeekkkk
But I don't think I'll be able to handle listening to or watching Baby Motzart all day-he'll be cultured tomorrow...I'm bringing musicals for him to watch and listen to-never to young to start that!!!
Nervous but, even thinking about it i'm smiling - it'll be good, it'll be great...just me and little Johnny

The News

I can't help but laugh at the media,
Instead of educational stories
We hear about war, abductions, fake abductions, divorce and the hot topic tonight...
Kenny Chesney marrying Rene Zelweger (spelled wrong-oops)
I can only laugh and shake my head...I don't care what celebrity is marrying whom
I don't care about celebrities lives-or rather their personal lives...that's not important to me
Let them live their lives, if it pertains to something they are promoting fine
But, their home lives??? Give me a break or more importantly Give them a break-they don't
need to be under a microscope for all to see all the time
It makes me think of that Jim Carey movie where everyone knows he's being watched 24/7 except for him. It's not needed, knowing that this celebrity ate tuna for lunch isn't going to help me finish my day, it won't make me a better person and it surely won't break my heart not knowing!!!

Fence

Today I worked the morning shift and missed my Mom's Mother's Day Breakfast with the family
So last night I stopped at my Mom's house and left her card in a baggie (in case it rained) on her windshield...she called me at 7am when I started my shift to thank me but I couldn't pick up...busy day at work.
I was soooo tired when I got up for work today because I had to work till 11 last night, so getting up at 6 was quite difficult.
FINALLY, 3:30 came around and I was free.
I get home and my roommate all excited tells me she bought fencing for the yard so we can just let the dogs out instead of putting them on the lines (there's 3 dogs)
I was surprised...2yrs I've been suggesting we should do this and she did it - the catch was I got to help put it up
Yippee!!! I'm exhausted, promised my Mom I'd go get rootbeer floats(black cows) with her for our "Mother's Day Time" and now I gotta help put together a fence, I sigh and say alright let's get this done-then I see it. It literally looks like black hefty bags stapled to wooden stakes.
I'm shocked and feel VERY getto at this moment but didn't want to make an issue out of it because I wanted to finish with my day and go to bed!!! Sooooo, I get the sledge hammer and start pounding away at each stake-40min later our backyard looks like it's under construction and I'm kinda embarrassed...laughing at the ridiculousness of it all but embarrassed almost ashamed. I clean up, jump in my car pick up my Mom and take her over to see the "fence"
We pull up and my Mom can't even get out of the car she's laughing sooooo hard at it. I warned her but apparently she wasn't getting a very clear picture of what it was until we got there and I know I made her day by showing her the "getto fence"
We leave to get shakes, icecream or rootbeer floats and she changes her mind we end up going to McD's for 1 soda and she asks to go home cause she's tired - not much of quality time but she got a much needed laugh so it didn't matter.
I get home watch National Treasure, took a shower and got back on the road to watch The L Word at my friend's house who lives 40min away but has Showtime (which I lack) and finally I made it home for good tonight and here I am writing my goofy story and will be going to bed shortly there after - gotta work tomorrow :-)
Hope every Mom had a great Mother's Day...everyday should be dedicated to all Mom's but none-the-less today was your day and I hope it brought every Mom as much joy as today brought my Mom.

The Rainbow Goblins

I was very young sitting with my twin and older brother on the floor of the Music Room
My dad was sitting on top of the picnic table we had in there
He took down from the shelf our favorite book, "The Rainbow Goblins" by Ul De Rico
This book has been my favorite ever since the first time my dad read it and still is to this day
Maybe because it was the only book he ever read to us or maybe for the storyline or the beautiful illustrations, whatever it is that drew me to this book I'll never know I just know that I buy it as gifts to everyone I know who has kids.
It's about 7 goblins each a different rainbow color who goes from storm to storm waiting for the end so they can throw their lassos up catch their particular color and drink the rainbows colors. This excerpt is just a small part of how magnificent this book is written, the illustrations are unheard of in today's books...every page is so very detailed with life and color. It is a must read for everyone of all ages!!!!

The goblins sprang to their feet and rushed to the mouth of the cave. "A storm, a storm!" Red shouted. "Look how the wind is driving it toward us!" Orange cried. And all the goblins danced and pranced about in glee, for they knew that after the wildest
morning thunderstorm comes the most beautiful rainbow.

I thought about it today because I saw a car with the rainbow sticker on the back bumper - different meaning I know, but it still made me come home and read the book for the millionth time. I wonder if my dad knew how much it meant to me to have that book read over and over again but so rarely did he do so.
I do believe there was symbolism behind this children's book and the last page tells it all...

But since that time the Rainbow has become more cautious. Now when it arches across the sky it is careful not to touch the earth anywhere. No matter how you try to sneak up on it, you can never come to the place where it begins or ends.

Favorite Maya Angelou Quotes

"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return."

"Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency."

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

"It is not that I have confidence, but I believe if I fail, so what? Now I have the chance to try again."

"You may not think you can reach it. Climb anyway. You may not think you’ll be heard. Speak anyway. You may not think you can change thinks. Try anyway."

"Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Invite one to stay."

"The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise."

"The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear."

Simplton

I love that I came from a big family and generic food.
I love that I have to earn everything I have
I love that I fight the world every day
And I love knowing it

Life is soooo short and we strive so hard to make it better by working hard, fighting more, and moving fast. That we miss out on the simple things that make up life.

This is why simple is the way to start.
With simplicity you learn to stop and smell the roses
That life isn't always better on the other side
That life is a journey

I am a simplton...it doesn't take much to make me happy - to find my "happy place"
I am overwhelmed by sunrises and sunsets, by skylines, by baseball games, kids playing in a park, day offs, my cat trying to catch a bug, my dogs rough-housing together, my nephews and neices calling me just to say hi - anyone to call me just to say hi, a broadway show, a movie, a quiet night with a book, a nap, icecream in the middle of a blizzard...I am happy
Sure I complain about this, that and the other thing but then I blink and I see something simple and smile.

No matter where life takes me what I do to get there I will never forget where I came from and I'll always have time to stop and smell the roses :-)

Today my nephew called me and asked if I could come to his school and be his "Special Person" for Special Person Day...I was speechless and teary eyed...he picked me, he's 6 and I without even checking my schedule say of course I'll be there. The excitement in his voice threw my teary eyes into Niagra Falls - I am honored to be his Godmother and his "special person"
How very innocent children are and how much we have to embrace every moment we can so that we too can feel that passion of innocence each and every time. Corey was my happy place today - 1 phone call was all it took and the rest of my day didn't have to go perfect because nothing could distort that feeling.

Wicked

I finally saw Wicked!!!!
I read the book and was hooked instantly and had to run out and buy a ticket (as if I wouldn't have anyway)
I went by myself because none of my friends are "broadway fans" and I thought I would feel weird...maybe it's weird that I didn't - but I was soooooo amazed by the sets, dancing and singing that I had forgotten that I was by myself until intermission when I had no one to talk to about what I just witnessed
SO, I am determined to see it again once the touring company leaves and the Chicago actors take over...I have to - It was just soooo amazing I cannot even express in words what I saw.
And I have listened to the soundtrack over and over again that I was actually afraid I might not have enjoyed it as much but I did even more so as I sat there mouthing all the songs in my seat.
THOUGH - I was shocked by the ending and LOVED IT...what a great twist!!! I wasn't expecting that!!! Sooo happy I got to see it, and will have to save some dough to see it again.
I haven't been this excited since Suessical...which the 2 people I saw that with got more enjoyment watching me than the actual show (I think) they found me very amusing to play along and the huge smile on my face the entire time - same thing happened tonight only I was by myself :-( Oh, well...would go by myself again if I had to was too good of a show to miss!!!

MONEY

Why does money have to be so evil? Why is it always the root of being able to do something or not? Why is it soooo important? And I'm guilty too, I feel like I can do so much more if I had more money. There is something really wrong with that...I'm tired of it being the source of everything!6 years ago my twin had a baby boy. Corey JamesHe was 2 months early and was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I was leaving for boot camp in a month and was really upset I was gonna miss his birth - but as it seems he wanted to see me before I left and he was born.Of course we were all nervous and scared that he may not make it - but he's a Beyer, of course he'd make it...we're fighters.Well, the father, or as we call him the "sperm donor" was exactly that...for the first 2yrs of Corey's life was no where to be found. When he did take Corey for some father-son time it was only for a couple of hours. The child support was next to nothing when my twin did get it.Two years after that Corey's now 4 and Kat (my twin) gets engaged and along with that wanted to move with her "man" to Washington. Just because she's human and with feelings she tells the sperm donor of her engagement and her plans to move. He congratulates her and nothing else.The next day Kat is served papers...the sperm donor was taking her to court for cusody of Corey.We all laughed at the idea...he hasn't been around as a father how could he possibly winWell, he did. 2 years of fighting with money we don't have he won custody, child support and even money for day care when Kat could watch him after school instead of some stranger.I'm infuriated, how is this possible that an asshole that didn't even want a child and when Kat got pregnant dumped her now have custody over himIt was heart wrenching when this happened...Corey was accustomed to living with Kat at my Mom's house with my siblings...Tommy, Sarah, Jimmy, Murphy, Lizzy, and Karen (Bill and myself were moved out).He was only 4 and he didn't understand why he didn't get to stay there, he wanted to know why we didn't love him anymore. That he'd be betterHow horrible, that we had to try to explain to him that we didn't want him to go without making him hate his father.Now he's 6, his mood swings aren't as great but he is a completely different little boy when he comes over...it takes him a few hours to turn back into that innocent little boy.We're still fighting and Kat never got married nor moved away...The worst part is that Corey got everything he needed and then some, he was never abused or unloved but he was still taken away from us!Since his life with the sperm donor he has had mood swings, his now step brother sexually abused him and the only thing the courts did was make the sperm donor give them seperate rooms at bed time...he falls asleep at school and sucks his thumb which he's never done before.HOW IS THIS A BETTER PLACE FOR HIM???I cry everytime I think about the situation. Because we don't have money for a "Good" lawyer the sperm donor wins and gets everything he wants-LOVE according to the "Law" isn't enough. He never went hungry, never felt unwanted - WHY ISN'T HE HERE?If money wasn't an issue he'd be where he belongs, in the arms of his mother and away from that unhealthy life...he wouldn't have thoughts of abandonment, he'd still be our innocent Corey, he wouldn't have had to go through anything no one should ever ask a 4yr old or now 6yr old little boy to go through and manage.

SIDETRACKS

I love that bar...well, I love it on Monday nights.
That bar is my hangout bar when I have Monday nights off
It's a "boys" bar BUT on Monday nights it's SHOWTUNE NIGHT
It's one day a week I can sing my heart out to all of my favorite showtunes...with no one looking and gasping at me.
I LOVE IT!!! For awhile there I thought that I was the only one that enjoyed watching different showtunes and singing along.
Here's how it works: The bar has 1 huge flatscreen and multiple smaller ones throughout the place. They show different parts of every musical imaginable for everyone to sing-a-long to.
You can go from "Suddenly Seymour" (Little Shop of Horrors) to "Mame" to "Defying Gravity" (Wicked) to Hairspray to whatever else you can think of...if it's a musical they have it. And just to break it up a bit all the boys and me add in different lirics or add phrases to certain songs...kinda like Rocky Horror.
If you're ever in Chicago go to Rosco and Halsted and into Sidetracks, it's sooooo much fun.
I hardly have a voice for 2 days after that :-)
The only down side to this is talking someone into going with me. I love it but refuse to go into a bar by myself and none of my friends are big into showtunes-in fact the only reason most of them go is to be able to poke fun of me...which I can care less about as long as I can go...I'm addicted.

Where's Diane?

2 1/2 yrs ago I made friends with a lady named Diane on Rosie O'Donnell's Chub Club posts...I was going through a death in the family and lost too much weight...I had no one to turn to and she came into my life. Last year I lost contact with her because I moved and the broadband I use gave me a different IP address and I lost her email address. She's an AOL member and I am not, she lives in Iowa and last I talked to her she was training for a marathon - she already succeeded in a half marathon. If anyone reads this and possibly knows who I am talking about please send her to my blogspot. I miss talking to my friend.

Amusement :-)

My roommate Yaco reads through magazines and in never fails whenever she gets to a page where there's a perfume sample Owen has to smell it as well...it's their bonding time, like mommy like doggie :-) and Peko sits so diligently in the background. Unfortunately, Nana isn't really seen you can see a very small portion of the side of her head to the right of Peko...look closely or you'll overlook her!!!

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame
He learns to be guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement
He learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
He learns to find love in the world. Dorothy Law Nolte

I watched a very compelling movie tonight "Riding on the Bus with my Sister" watching this movie was a domino effect. Watching it reminded me of watching the Rosie O'Donnell Show, remembering that reminded me of Rosie's For All Kids foundation remembering that reminded me of my persuasive paper I had to write in English 101 in college (i have some college under my belt) which I did on that foundation which brought me to this poem-I used this poem as my cover page for that paper. So here I am sharing it to anyone who wants to read it, enjoy :-)

One Short Day

This song has been stuck in my head all day, funny thing is I forgot the cd at home so I didn't even have it playing at all today.
It's happening to me...the summer time gitters are coming
I LOVE SUMMER TIME
It doesn't bother me that I have to work, just as long as it's beautiful out, the hotter the better
This is the time of year I love living in the greatest city, CHICAGO
Home of the best baseball team - The Cubs
Home of the best pizza
Home of the best parks
Home of ME - though, I will move away soon enough...the summers are great the winters are killers!!!
Today I love life..."It's a Great Day to be Alive" everything fell into place today - stress free day and when that happens I have to rejoice, lol...how many of us can say we have more stress free days than stress filled days, soooo I have to reflect on that, what a beautiful thing
Cheers :-)

Kick Me!

Remember those signs...Kick Me?
Well, today at work (I work outta my car) I felt as though I must've had a huge sign on my car saying "HIT ME" I had to swerve out of the way of 3 olderly people drivers!!! 2 of them at seperate times were driving in one lane I in the other at the same speed as I and basically at the same spot as I except in their lane and then all of a sudden felt the need to be in my lane which forced me to cuss, swerve, slam on my brakes and honk!!! The 3rd one turned right on my green light in front of me, literally 5ft away which of course made me duplicate my last response...cuss, swerve, slam on my brakes and honk!!! Sometimes I wish I had an abundence of tweenkies that I could keep in my car for just an occassion...I would get great pleasure in throwing them at those cars. It wouldn't do any damage just make a mess and make me laugh hehehe...I could only wish :-)

GOT MILK?

Here's what the ultimate milk commercial should look like!!!

Johnny!!!

Here's Johnny!!!! My 4th nephew, 7mths and sooo animated and cute :-)

Orange Juice

Ever have a day when you know you can't do something, it's a lose-lose situation and for some reason you agree to do it? That happened to me today and it reminded me of the orange juice splashing in the face of the guy in "Guys and Dolls" the story behind it is basically he doesn't make any bet that he cannot win because it'd be just like getting splashed in the face with orange juice...ok with that said here's what happened to me today.
I don't have to work till 2:30 but have to work the morning shift tomorrow 7am oye it's already 12:30...I'm gonna be comatoast, anyway, I talk to my Mom just about every day and it's usually about the kids (my siblings) and for some reason today the conversation moved in a different direction.
The Porch. My Ma wants to put in a brick/stone ground in front of the back porch for a place for her grill and maybe a couple of chairs.
She's soooo sneaky, she begins by asking me questions about what I think it would take to do something like that (me not thinking she meant me actually doing) I said it shouldn't be that difficult, just have dig into the grass so that it's level and the bricks or stones will be level. Then mix the cement to keep it together. With that she's like GREAT, so when do you think we can do this...I was lost for words, I don't know how to do that, I'm not a bricklayer or carpenter - so why did I say "when the weather permits and I'm not working"
After getting off the phone I was like "SPLASH" what did I just commit to - eeekkkk!!!
Just can't say no to Mom, I guess I better take out that thinking cap and figure it out lol, oye I'm nuts, my Mom is nuts to think that I can do "ALL"

Box

What in you draws you to a sport? In grade school I sucked in volleyball, once I got to highschool somehow almost overnight I was a star...power server and digger - I was always the starter. Then junior year I wasn't "cool" enough, I out served, out set, and out dug everyone yet I didn't make the team...hmmm, that's right everyone that made the team hung out with the coach - unfair yes, devistating maybe...would I have been able to go to college with less stress and feel more at ease, possibly. But everything happens for a reason right? So now at 27, I've found a new passion and I'm pretty good too, the only problem is my entire family thinks I'm nuts and keeps begging me to quit. I Box!!! It's exhilerating, it's not personal - its a sport. I don't look at an opponent and hope I hurt them, I merely want the points and to not get hit. Yes, it has its dangers but so do alot of sports-no it's not traditionally a "female" sport, but I've never been one to not do something because I might be one of a handful doing it...in fact that drives me to do it even more so because then I feel motivated and pushed to do even better. I was in the military and no one objected - I could have gotten hurt or killed doing that, I'm testing for police departments and no one objects to that - that's dangerous...I'm not stupid I wouldn't jump off of buildings and test fate that way, but boxing can be dangerous if you're not trained correctly and you fight in matches you're not ready for - so August is my big one...the World's Amatuer Competition -I go to Missouri for that, there should be about 15 different countries involved...I'm keeping my fingers crossed and training for 2+hrs a day...I will do well, but the question is how well? :-) NO I AM NOT MILLION DOLLAR BABY...I have been boxing for almost 2yrs now -way before the movie, but that did trigger alot of the stress my family is feeling...until the competition is over they won't calm down...Wish me luck :-)

Rosie going to Letterman

A SONG FROM THE PAST (from the Rosie O'Donnell Show)

"Hi David, it's Rosie - read the wire, we're on fire, studio, I no go, do you think you can lend us a hand
Yeah David, we're in trouble, in a squeeze, help me please, I need you, to come through, I sure hope you can lend me a hand
Yeah, the fire was bad
30 Rock seems ok, but we won't be out long, we'll be back any day
yeah our set is all wet, but it should be alright, could you please help me out, you'll be my shining knight
Hey Rosie, David calling, from the late show, do a great show, need a place, use my space, I'm so glad I can lend you a hand
Thank you David, from Rosie, you're the greatest, you're first ratest, you're the man, Letterman, so come on now let's give Dave a hand!!!"

Top Ten List: The Top Ten Ways I'm Going To Thank Dave For Letting Me Use His Theater
10. Two Words...Ring Dings
9. In the next K-Mart commercial He can play the part of Penny
8. I will rig the Late Night's water cooler to dispense only Yoohoo
7. Send him a hundred copies of my first film "Misery"
6. Send him on a month long's vacation to the Carribean with Nicole Kidman
5. I've changed the sign on the Ed Sullivan Theater to read "Dave, Now And Forever"
4. I'm gonna fill all the bathtubs in his house with kooshballs
3. For Christmas I'm buying my entire staff his Mom's Cookbook and I recommend that you do to "Cooking With Dave's Mom" buy it
2. I'm giving up the Knicks, I am now an Indiana Pacers fan
And the Number One Way I'm going to thank Dave for letting me use his theater
MY DONNY DOLL

Semper Fi

One of my quirks:
Flashbacks...I get them ALL the time and at the weirdest times, and it never has anything to do with what I am doing at that particular moment just all of a sudden my mind wanders and there I go -
I was driving in my car today (for work of course) and sitting at a red light
Pow:I'm standing in fourth rank stiff as a board, sweating, tired, and focused on the recruit in front of me when out of no where I hear clear as crystal "Beyer, get over here!"
Without hesitation I'm sprinting out of ranks and confront the source..."Good Afternoon Ma-am, Recruit Beyer reporting as ordered Ma-am"
And without even a blink of an eye I hear barked back, "BEYER, I don't like you - GET OUT OF MY FACE" and without an expression I reply as a trained "monkey" "Aye Ma-am (step back) carry on aye Ma-am, Good afternoon Ma-am" (a bout face) and run back into rank.
And then I hit the gas pedal and continue on my day...
To this day I have no idea why my Drill Instructor called me out of ranks to tell me that - was there a purpose, was she trying to upset me, demotivate me, make me look bad???
I often wonder about my Marine Corps Recruit Training (boot camp) and what everything that was done to me if it had significance...I don't get it.
I loved the training but looking back I should've been miserable, they treated me like crap and yet I'd go back and do it again all over again. I miss the military (scary), I wonder what if ALL the time

The strange part of my flashbacks is I'll have one and it can influence me the rest of the day that is, I'll think about it all day long afterwards and ponder
It can be a good thing I suppose, keeps me aware that my memory is still very keen and it also keeps me in check :-)

Psychological

Who knew how much work it was to test for a police department.
Today I went in for the psychological test...OYE!!!
6 1/2hrs later I walked out eyes bugged and rushing to go to work
So, 7 personality tests, an interview with a psychiatrist with blot cards, and an essay to figure out if I am crazy or not...well, I didn't answer yes to "Do you hear demons in your head?" So...I think I'm good to go. BTW, if I don't get this job I think I'm gonna give up the police biz-too many tests that make me confused...are you enthusiastic or energetic, are you calm or serious
What's that mean? What's it mean if I don't see butterflies in the ink blots, what does it mean if during the personality test I start singing "This is the Song that Never Ends" in my head...hmm
I WAS EXTREMELY BORED!!! I know I'm not crazy but I felt crazy afterwards, because I didn't know the "correct" answers - it's like taking a test at school for French when you are studying Spanish...there's no way of knowing.
To me it's "I Think, Therefore I AM"
So cross your fingers...this is the best way I know how to make a difference in Children's lives - by working as an Officer - I want to teach children that they have choices outside of what "everyone else is doing" I lost too many friends due to the wrong path, I will help pave the path for our future :-)

SUV

"There comes a time when one must take a
position that is neither safe, nor political, nor popular, but he must take it
because his conscience tells him that it is right." -Martin Luther King

I find this quote being used more and more in my life as I get older...true words to live by if you ask me. I have never been a "favorite" because I stand up and fight for the weak, the scared, the out numbered.
As life progresses you have to ask yourself - where do you stand?
I am unpopular but I am happy with that, because I know that at the end of every day I gave it my all and I didn't back down or stop to look better in someone else's eyes.
Today a truck broke down at a stop light, SUV -blazer. Everyone was hurrying to get around them, no one stopped. I passed it and pulled over. I got out of my car and asked if they'd like help getting the car out of the street. I'm all of 130lbs and they looked at me as if I was nuts - how could I move that vehicle...but, once other cars saw this 2 more stopped and helped.
I was amazed, the unfortunate part is that it only takes 1 to start a domino effect but there has to be that 1...if it wasn't me, would someone else stop? I felt good about that, I didn't want money from them for helping I just knew that they were humiliated and I wanted the humiliation to stop so I helped.
I like these moments in life...they're few and far in between but every time it happens your heart feels fuller- I know mine did.

Nessa

9 years ago I said good-bye to her
9 years ago I pledged I would save her
9 years ago was the last time I saw her smiling.

I was 18, my parents were splitting and Vanessa came to visit - my cousin.
It was the first time during my entire highschool years that I felt needed, wanted
Vanessa was 26, well almost 26...she is a recovering alcoholic/pill popper, she's here for as long as she wants to be.
We did everything together, for the first time I ditch school, I didn't do my homework and I called off at work - how could I do any of that Vanessa wanted to spend time with me
No one ever wanted to spend time with me, my twin and I barely looked at eachother - we were too different
I went to an AA meeting, pretending to be an addict so Vanessa would be more willing to go
We went rollerskating, all the boys wanted to be near her, she wondered why I wasn't interested
Vanessa asked me if I was gay...I was infuriated, shocked, I'm a Catholic - that was unheard of
She asked me why I didn't date I didn't want to
Truth is, I didn't know why...boys didn't interest me, I thought there was something wrong
She was right...

Vanessa got drunk...relapse
Vanessa got into an argument with my Grandma, she had to go
I go to Vanessa, she did my make-up and sprayed perfume on me (I can still smell it) I hate make-up, but it was a moment, we didn't talk
I drive Vanessa in tears to the airport so she can go back to Florida - we walked around the airport all night looking for a place that sold Bloody Marys for her-I think of her every time I see or hear of that drink now
I am devistated - my life was ripped apart, I tried going with her she wouldn't let me
She told me that I was special and I had to figure out how and why and to live out my own plan
I told her I'd visit, I'd call and write
I drove home at 7 the next morning arriving around 9, my Mom is furious and screaming at me to go to school, I shower get into my school uniform and go
I get there and instead of going to class I head to Miss Welsh's office - exhausted and emotionally drained I knock on her door
She opens the door and I break down in tears not able to explain clearly only "She's gone" over and over again...Miss Welsh tells me to sleep and I'm excused from all my classes.
My school forces me into therapy (I hated therapy) saying I'm breaking down from the divorce - no one knew the real reason
7 years go by of phone calls, writing and following her every move from a far...
I'm working, a phone call stops my heart
Vanessa has passed away
I can't move, I can't breathe, everything is still - I run, I can't sleep...I drive 18hrs to the Orange County Mourge, Fl. I see her for the last time, I want to break the glass, wake her up-she's gone
I sit through the speech on how she died, wondering why she had to die alone, why she had to die at all -
I was suppose to save her, I FAILED!
Now 2yrs has passed since then I still hurt, it still runs through my veins...I cry -
Don't put off for tomorrow that is better off done today, visit your friends/family tell them what they mean to you

School

I have a brother and friend in college...I'm soooo jealous!!! So to make me feel as though I'm going to school I have given them the option to utilize me for help. So with that I'm editing/tweeking/fine-tuning their papers, explaining different subject matters and I'm feeling abit like I'm back in school. I'm loving every minute of it, because everything I help with comes back with an A!!! This is just more fuel to the fire of my need to go back to school and not being scared that I've been away from learning for too long that I won't do well...I've STILL GOT IT!
Anyway, that's my story tonight - I'm excited that the want to learn is still within me :-)

Coffee

It's 2:40am and I'm still up. Oye, I've gotta remember not to drink coffee so late!!! I sleep till 10am, jump into the car and go to train for boxing, then I rush home to shower and get ready for work from 2-11pm then I grab a cup of coffee and am stuck not being able to sleep till about 4 just to do it all again the next day....hmmmm one would think I would learn - NOPE.
Oh well, I feel weird writing online because you never know who's reading them and I feel as if I should be writing something significant not just blabbering on like I am. Well, I signed up for this just so I had a place to write things down, not really thinking about who'd read it so here I am.
So I guess I'll end with something I learned in life (not that I'm all that old) : Expect the unexpected and maybe you won't get hit by so many curve balls. (easier said than done)

Blessing or Cursed

I don't understand it, you live life correctly...don't break rules, respect your elders and parents just the same, develop friendships and yet nothing is right.
I read these blogs of celebrities saying that now that they're out of the show biz buisness they're much happier, that it's easier. Please, show me easier. I feel like a puppet on a string, nothing I do can ever be enough. I have 5 sisters and 3 brothers, I am 2nd slash 3rd oldest (I share my position with my twin) and I am the only one anyone ever goes to for help. I don't have a college degree, I got hurt during my time spent in the military so I can't utilize that, I have a job that just barely pays the bills and I don't have any special talents. Why me? I don't have a lot of money and I want to desperately go back to school.
I go to see broadway shows every chance I can (2-3 times a year) the expense is worth it, I play sports, I go to showtune night at the "boys" bar in the city when I'm off of work and I box. I do have street smarts and common sense, that I know because I wouldn't be where I am today without them...some people think because you're a girl you're brainless, well I have taught many a men that not only am I not brainless but I have a heck of a lot more brains than them (most of the time)
My brain has a great capacity for useless information, but weird as it sounds I always seem to learn something that I can use in the future.
So, with all of this why of all the siblings to choose from am I the only one anyone calls upon. I wish I could have the pulls of a celebrity and help my family in ways I cannot now...maybe then when I do help it would enough rather than helping and exceeding my expectations and still feeling as though I've failed. I help my brother with all of his papers for college -when in reality I wish it was me in school...but it's a known assumption in my family that I'll get to go to school eventually, meanwhile help him. I help all my sisters with a bit of cash now and then when I really shouldn't be because I don't have it, though I always seem to get by to help them. I help my Mom with everything from lecturing my younger siblings for her to becoming her plumber, carpenter, mover, builder, cleaner, mechanic, and whatever else she can't do and calls upon me to do - but why am I Elphaba or feeling like her, no matter what I do it's not good enough or just plain BAD, not what they meant for or I didn't do enough to get it right. I'm exhausted and cannot yeild. I love my family and want to do all I can but I sometimes feel they've taken all I once had.
Celebrities yes, have to deal with a great deal of bull but look at what they can do - they can influence without breaking a sweat, they can help anyone with a snap of a finger, and they can disappear to a hide-a-way when it's gotten to be enough and quit their job all-together.
I cannot disappear, I have bills that never seem to end...I cannot help even half the people I'd like because the resources aren't there, I'm trying to influence my younger siblings still living at home and that seems like a lost cause - to them I'm the bit@h of the family I lost what is cool and they want nothing to do with my ideas and as many times a day my Mom calls and says "could you" I wish I could crawl into a cave and never come out I fulfill that could you every time. Why? Why should I, no one else does...
Why can't I say no and figure out my life, fix me, help me and why can't someone else do the dirty work and even lend me a helping hand.